Tales of the Parodyverse

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Arnie J. Armbruster
Fri Jan 28, 2005 at 04:39:34 pm EST
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Arnie J. Armbruster, Attorney at Law!
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"You know some day we'll find it?" The man sitting next to me on the bus said.

"What?" I said.

"The Rainbow Connection."

I groaned. Why do I take the bus? My Bosses (Dewey, Cheetum & Howe) say they'll buy me a company car. I said no, becuase I didn't need it. But, now I could really use a Hummer right now. Then, I run over the jerk next to me & maybe my ex.

Parrodipolis has the weirdest people in it, I glad I live else where. But, the Partner's need a man to come to Parrodipolis because some junkie on some super drug kicked an old lady across town & died. She die becuase she was kicked, she died becuase she stepped out in front of a semi-truck afterwords & it hit her. I look down a the piece of paper in my my hand, It's the address for my cilent. "Dumpster behind at 5th & Vine 7-11" This is the last pro bono case I do, well this is the last one I'll do this month.

Like twenty minutes later, I get off the bus. I'm at the 7-11, walk around the the back to see my cilent.

"Hey!" I yell at the drunk pass out by the dumpster.

"Are you the guy who kicked the old lady accross town?" I ask

He turns to me & throws up on my shoe. Great, I just bought these shoes & that smell is never going to come out. I also guess that he's not & he isn't. The drunk then tells me about his life & why Pants are the work of the devil. Then I asked why he was wearing pants. He told me he wasn't, he was wearing swear pants, there differant apairantly.

I ask him about who I want to find, he told me he died. The drunk said he died when he hit the pavement after the he was kicked off one of the skyscrappers down town. I asked who kicked him. The drunk said it was the work of the Lord. Now I knew Jesus to be a peaceful guy. But, It is a new millenium. so maybe he's changed.

The drunk pointed up to a poster of Randal Lord, local talk show host & is also said to be an Alien, like that Porter guy from a few years ago. Now, I'd met Lord 4 years ago at a party given by Sersi, the hero chick. I got drunk & whizzed on Lord's girlfriend at the time, I thing she's a porn star now. At the time she called herself Anna Runningstar or some junk like that, now I think so goes by the name Poka Hot Ass. So, after peeing on Hot Ass, Lord almost punched me, but he stopped when he found out I'd be a his lawyer. I got Lord 3 mill from the Candian Governemt when a Candian Goose died on his face while Lord was driving around in Saskatoon.

So, now Lord is getting c-rate Super heroes killed. Maybe the old lady was realted to him, I don't know? Do I care, no. I thanked the drunk & left. Got back on the bus, made a phone call.

"Shnooky?" I said

"Yeah?"

"Lord is back."

"Jesus?"

"No. Randal Lord."

"Are you going to pee on his girlfriend agian?"

"Maybe? But, can you tell Dewey, Cheetum or Howe that my cilent is dead."

"Sure thing."

We hung up, I had a job to do: drink myself retarded until another case came to me. For I am Arnie J. Armbruster, Attorney at Law!


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